It just occurred to me, I never expressed my wishes and hopes and dreams for 2026 last night. Might as well do it now.
I mentioned on my first post that I wanted to write video essays. I hope to get that done before January's over. I just had the microphone I plan on using arrive as matter of fact. I think the final product will be fantastic. I can't wait to share my first video essay with you all.
As for other goals, I think I want to leave the workplace almost entirely, beyond the bare minimum. I was originally pursuing a career in computers, and while it is something I'm good at, I cannot stand the crowd. I didn't click with anyone at my previous jobs, and I was left feeling unfulfilled overall. I don't think I could work a job just to pay bills, I do actually need it to be meaningful beyond paying bills. I've come to appreciate what I have, and I no longer wish to participate in the rat race. The dream has always been to make a career out of video essays and other artistic pursuits of mine. I think I'll make this year the first real test of that idea. I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be.
Speaking of other artistic pursuits, I want to finish and release psychological horror visual novel titled "goodnight dear". It's been haunting me for well over a year now, and I need to put it to rest. I also want to make something out of my visual art. I've always been dissatisfied with it. I feel like I'm good at the exact things I don't care to be good at. I can make creepy environment art all day, but I can't stand it. I want to draw people, humans. They almost never look that good. Exception being the Senko-san fan art you can find on my art page. That one rules, I want to do more of that.
I also want to make streaming an actual thing I do. So far I've merely treated it as a natural consequence of my other goals. When the video essay comes out, you'll see me present in VR with a model I put together myself. I've had that model for a long while. Since I already went through the trouble of making one, I might as well stream with it. Unfortunately, I've only treated it as an after-thought. I do want to take it slightly more seriously this year. Slightly. I used to stream when I was younger, and I'm terrified of repeating those times again. Don't worry, it wasn't anything bad, I just took the lack of success pretty bad. That's the reason for all of my trepidations as an artist.
Looking back, the last few months have brought me to my knees. I've lost my car, my job, and the hopes and dreams I came into the year pursuing. I can't see as far into my future as I used to, and it's only getting foggier and foggier it seems. Just a few months ago I saw my life as it would look like when I'm thirty. Now I can only barely see a week at a time. Most days, I merely see a day or two at most. On my worst ones, which I've had a lot of, I can only see my future hour by hour. I've been pretty miserable.
I think I'll be okay though. One thing I cannot doubt about the past few months has been the bonds I've formed recently. I'm currently witnessing the beginnings of a functional support system. People I could actually rely upon. People I don't have to hide my authentic self from. People I can actually trust to help me. People who I can love. People who love me, a lot.
I love them too.